Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and.

Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah............thank you.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK.

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

Customer: Can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.


Tech support: Tech Support, how may I help you?
Customer: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

Tech support: What sort of trouble?

Customer: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Tech support: Went away?

Customer: They disappeared.
Tech support: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Customer: Nothing.

Tech support: Nothing?

Customer: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
Tech support: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Customer: How do I tell?
Tech support: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

Customer: What's a sea-prompt?

Tech support: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?

Customer: There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Tech support: Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Customer: What's a monitor?

Tech support: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

Customer: I don't know.

Tech support: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Customer: Yes, I think so.

Tech support: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Customer: Yes, it is.

Tech support: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

Customer: No.

Tech support: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

Customer: Okay, here it is.

Tech support: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

Customer: I can't reach.

Tech support: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?

Customer: No.

Tech support: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Customer: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle; it's because it's dark.

Tech support: Dark?

Customer: Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Tech support: Well, turn on the office light then.

Customer: I can't.

Tech support: No? Why not?

Customer: Because there's a power outage.

Tech support: A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Customer: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Tech support: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Customer: Really? Is it that bad?

Tech support: Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Customer: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Tech support: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.